A Day of Blah

I made a stupid stupid mistake today. I went to the welcome home ceremony that should have been my husbands. I don't know what possessed me to go. I knew better, knew I would be all weepy and sad. I guess I was just wanting to be part of it, to feel something. The last several days I've been walking around in a daze, numb. I did see one of our friends come home though, so that made it worth it. To know that my friends are all coming home to their familes or to start their families is just an awesome thing!
After the ceremony my day just went downhill. I was begging the boys to just leave me alone, that I was in a bad mood. They didn't get it. I went out on my stairs and sat out there for an hour or so, just to get some time to myself. It's kinda ironic that I'm depressed because I'm alone but yet all I wanted today was to be left alone. o_O
Now I'm sitting here with the boys watching the MTV New Years Eve show. I didn't even know who was going to be performing. It turns out that two of my favorite songs right now are being performed. The All American Rejects just did "Dirty Little Secret" and in a little bit Fall Out Boy is going to perform, hopefully they'll do "Sugar, We're Goin Down." ^_^ Not a bad way to end the year and bring in the new one.

**Edit- I just realized I didn't say that his flight got bumped twice. So now I have no idea when he'll be home. Guess my post will make more sense now. *smacks forehead* D'oh!

Last Minute Dash

The time is almost here!! He'll be home Saturday! I am so excited. I can barely contain it. I already know what I'm wearing!! ^_^ He's such a smartass, I love him! We're talking yesterday and I'm telling him that I'm gonna hold up a sign with our last name written on it and I'm just gonna hold it up. There is no way I'll be able to find him amongst all the running crazy wives and soldiers. To also make it easier for him to find us I told him I'll be wearing pink, although that should be no surprise since about 95% of my wardrobe is pink. His smartass says, "I'll be wearing brown." *rolls eyes* Gotta love him.

So, anyway, I am busting my ass until he gets home to get the house cleaned and ready for him. I am a procrastinator, and a tad lazy, and have put off cleaning for quite a while. I have an entire apartment to clean in the next two days. Every room needs something done to it. If he were to walk in today he would think a bomb went off in this place. I have done nothing since he's been gone, I've just let the whole place go to shit. I tell you what, though, after the next couple of days I'll have learned my lesson. No more putting housework off. Really, seriously. You don't believe me? Yeah, I do talk a good game. lol

I've had my computer jukebox going nonstop today. One of my songs I haven't heard in a while came on and it made me stop what I was doing and think of Ray. It's "Cater 2 U" by Destiny's Child. I've never paid that close attention to the lyrics, know it's about doing things for your man. But today it stopped me in my tracks. A lot of the lines in that song are so close to how I'm feeling right now. Here are the first couple of verses that really hit me:

Baby I see you working hard
Wanna let you know I'm proud
Let ya know that I admire what you do
Don't know if I need to reassure you
My life would be purposeless without you

If I want it (got it) when I ask you (you provide it)
You inspire me to be better
You challenge me for the better
Sit back and let me pour out my love letter

Let me help you
Take off your shoes
Untie your shoe strings
Take off your cuff links
What you wanna eat boo?
Let me feed you
Let me run your bath water
Whatever you desire
I'll aspire
Sing you a song
Turn the game on
I'll brush your hair
Help you put your do-rag on
Want a foot rub
Want a manicure
Baby I'm yours, I wanna cater 2 u boy

I'm not a very mushy girl. Even after almost 6 years of marriage I keep a lot of myself locked up. This year has shown me that life is too short to keep your feelings and thoughts bottled up. You never know when you'll see your love again, if ever. I don't let him know how much he means to me, how much I admire and respect him, how I can't see my life without him as often as I should. I hope to correct that once he's home. I want to shower him with love and attention and cater to him.

Christmas... from a different view

My husband, who is due home from Iraq in 7 days ^_^, sent this to me:

its christmas eve in case you didnt know
but no one told us poor little joes
patrols and convoys they will roll
gunfire and mortors they will explode
no chimneys for stockings
no piano side song
just a rifle and helmet
and a road thats too long
with mosque after mosque blaring hajis song
no reindeer on rooftops
no gifts or a tree
but the gift of a night
with no trouble or enemy
with a cold cup of coffee
and a stale cigarette
we meet with our brothers
who are also in this mess
with a tear in our eye
and a lump in our throat
we laugh and tease
and even we joke
of christmas long ago, and those yet to come
and we pray to lord god this will be a safe one

Untitled

I haven't been up to a whole lot; hence, the lack of posts here. Just counting down to redeployment. I have 19 days before he's to start heading home! ^_^

I went with another mom from Scouts to take boys to see "The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe" on Saturday. That movie was awesome!! I don't remember the book from childhood, so I can't tell you how closely it sticks to the original story. But man they did a great job! I could go on and on about this movie, but to shorten it I'll just say that every one in our group liked it! We ranged from a 5 year old boy to a 15 year old girl to two grown women. Although I hate to admit it, I really liked the witch in all her evil glory. The woman who played her did an excellent job at being badass! "I'm not going to sniff it, if that's what you want!" lol

"Friendship"

I have kept my mouth closed about this for a couple of weeks but now I need to vent.  One of my “friends” is pissed at me.  Actually I think pissed is an understatement.  She no longer calls me, answers my phone calls, doesn’t email me and has changed her Yahoo status to being always offline to me.  Now, I don’t know about you, but to me that signals the end of a friendship.  All because I griped at her about driving her crazy ass to the hospital herself when she was really sick.  She said she didn’t want to put anyone out by having them drive her to the hospital, which is about a mile down the road from where we live.  But she has asked me to drive her to Savannah, which is an hour away.  I just didn’t get her thinking on this one. o_O  Well I made the unthinkable mistake of pointing that out to her.  She has ended our friendship over something this silly and small.  The only thing I can think is she didn’t think much of me to start with.
She posted a question on her blog earlier, needing advice.  I commented but put “not that you care what I have to say, I’m just trying to help.”  She then made another post titled “To Whom It May Concern” and then went on about not being mad at “anyone.”  This just cements it in my eyes that this friendship has ended.  
I’m really bummed about this.  Not only did I lose a friend, but my husband is going to miss out on hanging out with his friend, her husband, and my sons are losing a friend as well.  It’s a shame it came down to this…

So it begins...

I started my countdown to my husbands return today. :D He is scheduled to leave on Dec. 31. Yes, that could, and probably will, change but I have to have something to look forward to. So as of today I have 30 days!

I am in a nasty funk of depression right now. I have cried at least once a day each day for the last week and a half. I am withdrawn and bummed. That's the main reason why I started the countdown. I know better than to count on anything the Army says, but I really need it right now.

Oh, on a lighter note... I am a total dumbass! Ok, you know I have my lip pierced, right? Well lately I've been wearing a captive ring in it. Last night the ball fell out so I grabbed out the old pliers to tighten the ring around a new, smaller ball. Well I was giving the pliers a good squeeze when the ball pops out flying across the bathroom. The pliers clamped down on my lip leaving a nasty blood blister in the center of my bottom lip. The pain was so bad it made me nauseous. You know, I've always heard guys saying that when they get kicked in the balls real hard it makes them sick to their stomach. I just thought that was them being all dramatic and stuff. Man, that crap really can happen. I truly felt that I was going to throw up. It took everything in me to not cry out. I am including a pic for your viewing pleasure...