Rolls Eyes
I don't understand people sometimes. I mean, I guess since we post our lives on these blogs for the whole world to see we should be prepared for negativity. But, damn! I just don't get it. Why would you go to someone's blog and then post mean/rude/degrading comments when they didn't do anything to offend you? My friend, Eddie, put a pic of his wife on his blog and someone thought it would be funny to make a downright nasty comment about her. *mumbles...I just don't get it*
I've had an interesting revelation the last couple of days. You know I've felt like this a few times over the last several months, but this time is more serious to me. I think I just need to back away from everyone in my life; just stick to myself and my kids. Let the rest of the world fall down around me and not care. My parents are divorcing after 23 years, my friends think I'm shit, this whole Iraq crap is messed up... I'm just so tired of all the excess drama in my life. Sitting around for the last 11 months waiting for my husband to come back home has totally drained me of everything I am. I don't even think I'm the same person I was back in January. Actually I know I'm not. I don't even recognize myself in the mirror anymore. My life is slipping out of my hands a little more each day.
Am I being overdramatic? Probably, but at this point I don't give a damn. This war has done so much more damage than what you see on the news. They don't talk about the emotional damage, the family turmoil, the lives put on hold for a year or more. The only thing the media wants you to see, depending on which side you're on, is how much good we're doing over there or how many soldiers have died that day. They don't tell you about the soldiers standing in line for two hours to get online to argue with their wives about money or the kids for 30 minutes on the computer. They don't show the temper tantrums the kids throw because they are having a much more difficult time hearing the word "no" since mommy or daddy has been gone. They don't show the wife crying herself to sleep at night because she was pushed to her absolute limit that day for the 4th day in a row. They don't show the wife with the two toddlers and an infant trying to figure out how to get the groceries and the kids in the car at the same time. They don't show the dad trying to figure out how to cook, clean the house and read bedtime stories just like mom does each day.
My time for all this is coming to a close, I have about six more weeks of it. But there will be so many more after me. The day I'm getting my husband back will be the same day some other wife is having to tell hers goodbye for a year. What's it all for? Was it worth it? To me, the price is too high, and what do I have to show for it? A scattered brain, damaged children and a blackhole where my happiness once was. Not sure right now whether I'll keep blogging or not, sitting here staring at the screen with a keyboard in my lap is...well I can't even think of an analogy for it. It just hurts.
I've had an interesting revelation the last couple of days. You know I've felt like this a few times over the last several months, but this time is more serious to me. I think I just need to back away from everyone in my life; just stick to myself and my kids. Let the rest of the world fall down around me and not care. My parents are divorcing after 23 years, my friends think I'm shit, this whole Iraq crap is messed up... I'm just so tired of all the excess drama in my life. Sitting around for the last 11 months waiting for my husband to come back home has totally drained me of everything I am. I don't even think I'm the same person I was back in January. Actually I know I'm not. I don't even recognize myself in the mirror anymore. My life is slipping out of my hands a little more each day.
Am I being overdramatic? Probably, but at this point I don't give a damn. This war has done so much more damage than what you see on the news. They don't talk about the emotional damage, the family turmoil, the lives put on hold for a year or more. The only thing the media wants you to see, depending on which side you're on, is how much good we're doing over there or how many soldiers have died that day. They don't tell you about the soldiers standing in line for two hours to get online to argue with their wives about money or the kids for 30 minutes on the computer. They don't show the temper tantrums the kids throw because they are having a much more difficult time hearing the word "no" since mommy or daddy has been gone. They don't show the wife crying herself to sleep at night because she was pushed to her absolute limit that day for the 4th day in a row. They don't show the wife with the two toddlers and an infant trying to figure out how to get the groceries and the kids in the car at the same time. They don't show the dad trying to figure out how to cook, clean the house and read bedtime stories just like mom does each day.
My time for all this is coming to a close, I have about six more weeks of it. But there will be so many more after me. The day I'm getting my husband back will be the same day some other wife is having to tell hers goodbye for a year. What's it all for? Was it worth it? To me, the price is too high, and what do I have to show for it? A scattered brain, damaged children and a blackhole where my happiness once was. Not sure right now whether I'll keep blogging or not, sitting here staring at the screen with a keyboard in my lap is...well I can't even think of an analogy for it. It just hurts.
posted by Des at 12:11 AM
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